Internal Analysis

I've sorta been struggling emotionally these days. Some people might say "no duh" with all we have going on but it's bothersome and trying to figure out the problem is not always easy. It's one of those "What's wrong?" questions with a "I don't know." answer. But I've been really trying to figure it out and I think my real answer is quite multifaceted. 1-My relationship with God is not as strong as it ought to be. 2-My life is once again on the cusp of major change with an offer on our house and the search for a new house. And of course an offer isn't the end all, so I'm terribly concerned that something will happen and this whole deal will fall apart. I'm also terribly nervous about buying a new house and making wise decisions about a home we hope to be in for many years to come. I'm also nervous about the idea of moving out of my parents. As much as it will be nice to get settled again, I will really miss seeing them every day. And I will really miss the help they've given us with the kids. Just how much they help has been quite obvious the last week and a half. So it seems I have a lot of stress tied up in my living situation. 3-I'm trying to meet new people. This is the goofy one. I get terribly stressed out when I'm first getting to know someone new. My main concern is what might they think of me. Will they see all my faults and think I'm a nut job and stay away? It's so hard to be vulnerable when I'm so concerned with being rejected. Now it sounds like I'm trying to start dating someone. No worries there, Paul's the only man for me! I know I had some of these same fears when I was making new friends in Palatine and that all turned out fine. I made some very dear and wonderful friends (whom I miss greatly!). And what happened then (same as what I'm doing now) is assuming the other person has things totally figured out, assuming that they are put together rarely taking a misstep while I myself feel like a walking disaster. What I think I've learned is that to some degree we all think we are walking disasters while most everyone else thinks we have everything together! Whew. 4-My kids are stressing me out. The babies seem unusually fussy and unhappy. Nursing is causing some severe pain right now and Jack is having what seems like a daily meltdown which I haven't been handling the best. That was probably not something you wanted to read, but it was a bit therapeutic for me to write it down. Perhaps I shouldn't publish this post, but I probably will.