Big Friend Family News

The following two posts (within this single post) were previously written and then tucked away for the day that Paul said I could post them. I apologize for the length but it's very exciting news for those of you who perhaps haven't heard. In the next day or two I'll give you an update on how we're feeling these days as compared to the time these were written.


Baby Number 2!
I'm writing this post on Wednesday, November 25 but most likely it's much later now that I've actually posted it. Paul returned from a work trip this morning around 11 and I had quite the surprise for him. Around 6:45 this morning I woke up after having several vivid dreams of positive pregnancy tests and went to the bathroom to take one for real. I'd had suspicion for a few days that I might be pregnant but I was trying to be very cautiously optimistic. My main clues were the quantity of sleep I'd been getting; 1-2 hour naps a day plus earlier bedtimes than normal, and a desire to drink orange juice which isn't really my favorite beverage. But also I knew I was getting sick so I wasn't sure what the cause might be for these "symptoms". So this morning like I said I took a pregnancy test. The first one didn't work, but thankfully I had a second and it worked just fine. In a few minutes I read the news...pregnant! I'd been hoping for this and praying for this and now a little stick was telling me it had happened. I was really excited and nervous and almost in disbelief. I couldn't fall back asleep so I just watched TV until Jack woke up. Later I put the test in a mailing envelope and stuck it between the screen door and front door. That way when Paul got home he would see the package, open it up, and surprise! It pretty much worked that way, Paul was only a smidge suspicious. He was excited as expected but before we could hardly say a word about it Jack ran to his daddy, tripped and busted his lip on Paul's knee. So he bled for a little bit and screamed, while Paul tried to absorb the exciting news. Such is life.


At a time like this my brain starts spinning and my emotions jump all over the board. There are the questions that need to be acknowledged but not necessarily dealt with at this moment. Like, where are we going to put a second child? Will the kids share a room or do we need to clear out the office? When should we move Jack to a big boy bed so that the crib is available when it's needed? Will it be possible to potty train Jack in the next 9 months? Do we want to find out if it's a boy or girl or just wait and be surprised? When do we tell people and how do we tell them? and so on...

And then there are the emotions. I have been wanting this for a while and know that we for sure want another child but now that it's actually happening it's a little scary. I think it's weird how I can be excited on one hand and then on the other wonder what have we just done. I mean, two kids! There are days I don't know if I'm cut out to have one kid. It's a little terrifying to know that our lives are changed forever now and there's no going back. And it's totally wonderful to think of a new life just starting inside of me. It makes me happy to think that Jack will have a little sibling to grow up with, but them I'm also so nervous because I think we're probably only 4 weeks along right now which is super early and so many things can happen in the next few months. I just pray that everything goes well and this little baby is healthy and growing just as it should be. I also think how gracious God is in that while painful childbirth is a result of sin, He at least gave us fairly forgetful memories. So while I know that there will be uncomfortable and painful times in the next nine months I don't remember those specific details as much as the thrill of feeling your baby kick and the joy of seeing an ultrasound or hearing the heartbeat.  So I'm excited, I'm nervous and I'm praying for the best.
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The Day Our Lives Changed Forever
Here I am writing another post that won't actually get posted for another month or so. It's December 9th and Paul and I have just gone through one heck of an emotional 24 hour roller coaster. Jack has been sick, getting really high fevers and last night it hit 105.2, yikes! So we were dealing with that but that wasn't all. I had some bleeding (sorry if that's TMI) and got a little panicked. I spoke with my doctor and she told me to come in first thing in the morning to have an ultrasound to check on things and told me to try not too worry too much. Ha....I shed a lot of tears and of course worried all night long. It was a long and fairly sleepless night as Paul and I tried our best not too worry about the possibility of having miscarried. By the time morning came around I had tried to convince myself of the worst so that I would be prepared or pleasantly surprised. Little did we know that the day held much more than we ever expected. Within seconds of the start of the ultrasound I noticed that things looked different than any of Jack's ultrasounds. And sure enough the ultrasound tech quickly said, I have a surprise and it's a good one. Holy Crap! Yes there we were staring at the screen seeing not one baby but two. I think I went a little numb. She measured them and listened to what were good heartbeats and eased our earlier fears regarding the bleeding. Of course now we have so many new fears. I went from expecting to not be pregnant anymore to expecting twins. Paul just did a lot of laughing. We were both in shock.


That was just this morning. Several hours later it's like the word twins is tattooed on my mind and even when I think I'm distracted it pops in my mind and I get all freaked out again. At this point I really want to be excited but honestly I'm not there yet. I'm terrified, I have so many questions, I want to cry and the fact that I want to cry makes me want to cry. I'm worried about having what is considered a high risk pregnancy. I'm worried about Jack and how he'll adjust. I'm worried about me and how I'll survive...I thought Jack was challenging so I can hardly imagine how two at once will be. I'm concerned about space in our house and space in the car. I'm trying not to question God as to why this mom who feels like she struggles to be mother to one is now going to have twins and suddenly be mother to three. I was already nervous about having another child...now I'm so much more nervous.  Like I said, I want to be excited and see this for the miracle and blessing that it is...but I'm not there yet. Perhaps by the time I actually post this post. Only time will tell.


Side note: Due July 28, currently 11-12 weeks along.