Me at 30

If I had a hunch I'd say people older than me might chuckle at my realizations. They probably already know what I feel like I'm just starting to figure out. Learning about yourself is a lifelong process. I'll be honest, I thought surely by 30 I should have some things figured out. I'm learning that I have much to learn. I'm not talking spiritually. I learned in my 20s that sanctification was a life-long process, that spiritually we should always be growing and learning and changing to be more like Christ. What I'm talking about is the more mundane, day to day things of life. Like household chores and who I am.

Here's what I would tell you about myself. I am a procrastinator. The pressure of the last minute is a great motivator! I am messy. Keeping up with laundry and dishes and putting the mail and my clothes away is such a challenge. And why make the bed when I am just going to mess it up again? I like to think that my less than picked up house helps people feel welcome, like I don't need to put on a facade of perfection. I am a keeper.  I have a hard time letting go of things because you just never know when you might need it again, or when you might remember what that thing goes to, or if your kids might enjoy it when they are older, or maybe a loved one gave it to me, or it's just too hard to let go.

These are all things that I have always thought were true of myself. But here is what I'm slowly learning.

True enough, I am a procrastinator. I've been known to push projects off until the last possible moment. Sometimes I think I have a sixth sense about just how much time I need to allow to complete a project. However, I have made a few attempts at not procrastinating lately and it turns finishing a project early is quite rewarding. It's much less stressful, allows for more regular sleep, gives a cushion of time if issues arise or things take longer than expected. It's quite thrilling to get things done early. Maybe I'm changing my ways.

Keeping a house in order is certainly a struggle for me. I always just took it as "that's just the way I am". My house growing up was often, or maybe almost always, a big mess and keeping a spic and span house just never seemed to be in my skill set. However, I'm slowly learning that I can be more successful in this department if I can just figure out systems that work for me and my household. And figuring out a system that works often starts with trying many systems that fail. So my house is a work in progress. But slowly I am figuring it out. And guess what? I love it when my house is clean (for me that means picked up and the floors and counters with no visible crumbs....not perfectly mopped, dusted and scrubbed). When the house is in order, rather than chaos, it frees me up to spend time with my kids, read or work on projects that I've been procrastinating on. So I'm not sure I'll ever be a "make the bed every day" kind of gal. But I'm learning the benefits of finding successful systems, sticking to them and enjoying a relatively clean house. Who knew?

I am not a hoarder....but perhaps I'm a step down. Minimalist has never been a word to describe me. I've been known to request the help of friends to sort through belongings and convince me that it's ok to through things away. I have visions of my children one day sitting in a storybook attic (that I don't have) reminiscing and laughing as they sort through my belongings and flip through my boxes of pictures and old schoolwork. However, as I sort through my parents basement with my mom and have previously been apart of sorting through Paul's grandparents old home....I have realized that I don't need to hold on to everything! In fact, it's a bit freeing to let go of the junk and the garbage that have filled bins and crawlspaces and attics and closets. I still hold on to some things. Because there are some things that really are wonderful to go back and look through. But mostly I'm learning to just let go.

Maybe by the time I'm 40 I'll be a morning person?